I'm working on my whole mind

Hello all my loyal blog readers- and to anyone new to my blog.

Here is my halfway picture.

There's two reasons I hate it. The first is I still feel incredibly fat and that I don't belong in this body (despite my awesome progress)

The second thing, is I am 28 years old, and I'm self conscious about everything!

I have a club foot. It's the right one (obviously)! It's way more deformed now than it was even five years ago. I have spent all of my life being noticed for it.

When I was in elementary school kids would make fun of the brace I had to wear or the way I walked but it was never quite so bad. When I got to highschool it became incredibly obvious. In drama class I would never take off my socks for performances of greek theatre. It was usually the boys who would point out my deformity.

You would think that as an adult I would feel better about it- but it is at least once a week being brought up. I work in recruitment, so candidates will notice I walk with a limp and ask if I am okay. I'm fine, just born this way. As I got older, and fater, my foot could no longer carry my weight. I would spend hours in bed howling and crying because the pain was so intense. I also have internal Spina Bifida (which caused the club foot).

So.... For the first time in my whole life... I'm not wearing socks.

I'm ashamed at myself for asking Alicia (the photographer who took this picture) to crop it out. It was my immediate gut reaction. I just panicked at what people would say or what they would think about me. I have the most supportive boyfriend in the world who gives me foot massages when I am crying. I've never been for a pedicure in my life because I was too afraid. I've never even told a boyfriend in the past about my foot or back. Despite it being obvious to the rest of the world, I was content in hiding it. If I don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist.

If being on this lifestyle change journey means I have to work on my mind, then I need to work on my whole body- especially the parts I can never change. I can change the back fat that plagues me, I can change my tummy that sticks out... I can even change my flabby arms. But I can't change the way I was born.

I believe Lady Gaga said it best- I was Born this Way! Thank you Alicia for taking this beautiful picture of my WHOLE body so I can showcare how beautiful it is. Even if I don't feel like it, even if I hate it for the pain it brings me every day, it's the only one I have. Besides, Ben think's I'm beautiful.... and one day soon I'll believe it for myself too :)