White Water Rafting

For all who haven't been- white water rafting is ridiculously fun!

For those who don't know- it's also an insane workout. My whole body aches today- right down to my toes.

You use your arms the most, however get your hips, back and shoulder in on the strokes. As well you are constantly moving around which gets your legs in on the action. Then you have to periodically get out of the raft and do some walking. 5 hours of rafting was like ten weeks in the gym LOL.

But again, its ridiculously fun!

I'm now down 32 pounds. During the trip, we had bought a package that included meals. Because we camped, I had no choice but to eat what they made. I still managed to stay 100% on target. For breakfast I had one slice of french toast with no syrup or butter. A quarter piece of ham for some protein and a few potatos (limited those because they are deep fried). All in all it worked out to about the same as a Jenny meal. I'm starting to recognize that regular foods can be eaten in moderation (which is the point but for a food addict its virtually impossible to get- but I'm getting there).

It's so easy to get lost in how good something tastes. Next time you have french toast, have one slice and don't put anything on it. Just taste the egg and the bread (and I believe they put cinnamin on it). It's actually delicious.

 :) I'm down to 158 pounds :)

I'm working on my whole mind

Hello all my loyal blog readers- and to anyone new to my blog.

Here is my halfway picture.

There's two reasons I hate it. The first is I still feel incredibly fat and that I don't belong in this body (despite my awesome progress)

The second thing, is I am 28 years old, and I'm self conscious about everything!

I have a club foot. It's the right one (obviously)! It's way more deformed now than it was even five years ago. I have spent all of my life being noticed for it.

When I was in elementary school kids would make fun of the brace I had to wear or the way I walked but it was never quite so bad. When I got to highschool it became incredibly obvious. In drama class I would never take off my socks for performances of greek theatre. It was usually the boys who would point out my deformity.

You would think that as an adult I would feel better about it- but it is at least once a week being brought up. I work in recruitment, so candidates will notice I walk with a limp and ask if I am okay. I'm fine, just born this way. As I got older, and fater, my foot could no longer carry my weight. I would spend hours in bed howling and crying because the pain was so intense. I also have internal Spina Bifida (which caused the club foot).

So.... For the first time in my whole life... I'm not wearing socks.

I'm ashamed at myself for asking Alicia (the photographer who took this picture) to crop it out. It was my immediate gut reaction. I just panicked at what people would say or what they would think about me. I have the most supportive boyfriend in the world who gives me foot massages when I am crying. I've never been for a pedicure in my life because I was too afraid. I've never even told a boyfriend in the past about my foot or back. Despite it being obvious to the rest of the world, I was content in hiding it. If I don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist.

If being on this lifestyle change journey means I have to work on my mind, then I need to work on my whole body- especially the parts I can never change. I can change the back fat that plagues me, I can change my tummy that sticks out... I can even change my flabby arms. But I can't change the way I was born.

I believe Lady Gaga said it best- I was Born this Way! Thank you Alicia for taking this beautiful picture of my WHOLE body so I can showcare how beautiful it is. Even if I don't feel like it, even if I hate it for the pain it brings me every day, it's the only one I have. Besides, Ben think's I'm beautiful.... and one day soon I'll believe it for myself too :)

The great thing about buying a size 6- even if it is from Joe Fresh :)

I've been shopping- A LOT lately!

I don't necessarily buy every time I shop.... but I am thoroughly enjoying trying clothes on I wouldn't have tried on a year ago. Oh and- there's a thrill every time I try on a smaller size--- and it actually fits.

Last week I bought a tight pair of denim shorts in a size 8... they are just slightly too tight but I didn't want to buy the next size up because what's the point, they will be too big in a few weeks.

But today--- oh yes ladies and Gentlemen (and the one person in Singapore that reads my blog- yes.... I am popular in Singapore apparently)--- I Bought a size 6. Granted it's from Joe Fresh who tends to make their sizes a little bigger than the competition, but who freaking cares? I bought a size 6. I tried on the 10 first and it was way too big. The 8 still fit too big. The 6 fit just right.

I have my ups and downs on this diet. I've written more about the ups, but that's mostly because when I am down I really don't feel like writing. The great thing about buying a size 6- even if it is from Joe Fresh- is it creates a sense of hope.

I've now lost 27 pounds. I'm past my half way point. I have a lot of working out and exercising to do that I can't do because now my knee has regressed in the worst possible way. I can't even walk the dog anymore. BUT- even if the weight loss slows down- I just bought a size 6. I think I can handle it :)

Let's all discuss how Skinny I am :)

Hello my fellow weight loss journey participants.

I'm skinny!!!

Ok not quite there yet..... but I'm almost there. I've lost 25 pounds since I started this journey. Another 25 pounds to go and I'll be at a weight I have not been at since I was a teenager.... or at least since my second year of university.

Right now I'm wearing my old jeans from my closet.... ones I bought when I started to gain weight. I'm in a size 30 in jeans and I've been buying size 8's for all my summer clothes. I bought a shirt in a size large without trying it on (by habit) only to find I was swimming in it. I returned it for a medium. When I go shopping, people in the stores assume I'm a medium (or even a small sometimes) when they go to get me a size... that hasn't happened since.... well for a very long time!

How do I feel? FREAKING fabulous! My confidence level is way up! Every time I go in my closet to try something on I never thought I would wear again- it feels amazing. I held on to all these clothes (for one because most of them are designer jeans and whatnot) thinking that I wouldn't fit in to them but they cost so much darn money that I couldn't let them go. But there was always a small part of me that wanted to get to this point. The part of me that was doing crash diets and fad workouts and secretly binge eating when I didn't acheive any weight loss fast enough. I still have half a closet full of clothes that are too small for me, and about four pairs of my favorite jeans I lent to my sister that I am DYING to fit into!

Jenny Craig is an amazing program! I really couldn't do it without Darcie. She is sooooooooooooooooo supportive.

They recently introduced some new lunch foods, that I ordered and tried. I believe my exact words when I sent an email to Ben that day were "OMG.... best frozen meal I have ever had." I'm intensely sick of eating frozen meals all day long.... BUT.... I'm at my half way point. This week, Darcie and I are going to discuss how to incorporate my own meals into the plan. I'm going to start cooking for myself meals that mirror the portions I am currently eating. It's a big challenge but I think I need to let go of the crutch that the food has become (but not all the way of course).

As for exercising- I took a week off when we had Ben's kids down here. When I went to get back to it- I discovered my knee is completely out of whack. I could barely do a full program. I need to sign myself back up for Aqua Fitness. My indoor soccer league might not run because we are missing three girls to sign up- which I am somewhat relieved about since my knee is all mad at me for some reason.

Back to Physio I go!

What's the best part about losing 25 pounds? My relationship with Ben is getting SO much better because I am becoming a more confident person. We were fighting quite a bit before- but he's working on what he needs to work on, and I had no idea how miserable a person I was until I realized how much more happy I could be with this weight loss. My emotions and my overeating were  not only dragging me down, but my relationship was coming with me. Now I just walk around saying.... LOOK AT MY BELLY... ITS ALMOST GONE! lol

If I could become a spokesperson for Jenny Craig, I would totally do it! 25 pounds and I'll be in a bikini on the beach in Cuba sipping my water (because alcohol has too many calories LOL)... and my tattoo reward is looking like it will be soon- so I need to find an amazing artist to draw my concept. Any suggestions would be amazing!

Ciao for now! I'd love to hear similar weight loss journey successes! Please post a reply :)