Why I might be finished with Jenny Craig...

Howdy Folks, long time no speak!

It wasn't on purpose you know!!!! I was off to a magical land of red and khaki. Okay I'll start over.

For two weeks in September Target flew me out to Minneapolis for in depth onboarding and training so I could come back to Mississauga this week refreshed and ready to recruit (with another week left of training before I officially dive in). This blog is about my weight loss journey, but as a side note I'm going to just say Target is the most amazing company to work for! The people are incredible, the atmosphere is electric, and my job is fun already!

That being said, Minneapolis was a horrible diet experience. Breakfast every day was more or less fend for yourself in the cafeteria and I did fine. Lunch every day was provided by Target and it was usually a salad or a wrap/sandwich, so it too was fine. Dinner on the other hand was a whole different ball game. I'm talking the worst foods for a food addict to sit in front of. One night for dinner I just had a piece of cake. Seriously, a huge gigantic piece of chocolate cake. Everything in the US is giant servings. It's unreal. I felt like I had visited a mystical land where everyone just enjoys food wayyyyy too much for the waistline to handle.

And this experience taught me a huge lesson as well. Food still owns me! I am a slave to food. I love the taste, texture and quality of a great Gnocchi dish served at this Italian restaurant at the mall of America called Tucci Bennuch. It was the best pasta I have ever had. But it now sits on my conscious and weighs on my soul.

So I got back to Missisauga and thought to myself, let's step on the scale and see just how much I gained. I feared the worst. Two weeks of eating out three meals a day plus desserts and I knew the scale would read at least five pounds heavier. But here's the thing, I gained one single pound (and I weighed myself at night).

After a week of being back, I'm back to losing weight. I'm down to 146 pounds, just 6 pounds away from my goal. I haven't gone 100 percent back on Jenny either because I ran out of food and I was too embarrassed to call my consultant after dodging her emails for the two weeks I ate like a goddess. I had enough Jenny meals to eat for lunch every day.

I went grocery shopping yesterday and compared the Weight Watchers lean cuisine items to Jenny items. Some (not all) of the meals are virtually the same, yet cost at least five dollars less per meal. So I grabbed a bunch for lunch this week. If I'm still losing weight it means that I am still cutting out the larger portions, and I'm still watching what I eat. When I snack it's on dried fruits and nuts. When I eat a meal out I don't get cheese or sauces on my sandwiches and whatnot. Jenny had taught me some valuable lessons, so why does my wallet need to keep suffering?

I still have six months of Jenny membership to go where I can order food anytime I need to. And if I start gaining weight again I really will give them a call and start over. I don't think I need to at this point. I'm ready to face the world and go easy on the bread. I've proven I can eat out and still put on my skinny jeans the next day. The key is moderation, and to think twice before opening my mouth to order food.

Yesterday I cleaned my closet out of all the fat clothes I bought when I was almost two hundred pounds. It was actually a sad day to see all that money go out the door, but a great day because keeping those clothes is like telling myself it's okay to gain the weight again.

So wish me luck as I face the world alone, without Jenny. I would still call my consultant but they don't like it when people go off the food like that so I'm not about to hear the negatives. I've made up my mind, I'm ready to try the Jenny Capano diet LOL!

8 Pounds to go to my Goal- So I'm changing my goal!

Hello everyone..... I'm down to 148 pounds. I have only 8 pounds to go until I hit my goal... but I've been thinking for awhile that I need a new goal.

2012 is my year to fix our finances and buy a house.... 2011 is to get my health in check. My new weight loss goal runs until December, and I want to get myself down to 130 pounds. My healthy BMI max is 135 pounds, so if I can hit that I will be in a normal weight for my health. I want to get down to 130 pounds and STAY THERE.

The best part about my new lifestyle is that I feel as though I have completely changed my mindset. I don't look at food the same way. I don't crave food anymore as something to do. I don't WANT to eat bad foods because I love the fact that today I am wearing a pair of pants I haven't even been able to get over my knees for four years.

I'm still getting my tattoo after I lose 50 pounds. I think that it's important to recognize this milestone. After I hit the extra 10 pounds lost I want my reward to be food based (oh the irony). I want to have a dinner with my friends and family to celebrate the fact that food is not my enemy anymore! Who's down for some good eats at a fancy restaurant to celebrate the skinny life ;)

It's official- 40 pounds lost!

As of this morning, I weigh 150 pounds. I've lost 40 pounds since I started this journey!

I know at 50 pounds I'm getting the tattoo reward- but I think I need a reward at 40 pounds lost. I've been buying new clothes like a maniac... but I've been a maniac with purpose since all my new clothes are for my new job I start in September (for those who don't know, I have a new body and also signed my dream job offer to work in the talent acquisition department for Target Canada).

So clothes can't be it. I have a closet full of skinny jeans from before I gained the weight that are classic fits that will never go out of style.

I need an idea for a great reward for 40 pounds lost! Food doesn't even cross my mind as a reward (though ice cream is still my number one "i miss you" food).

That girl's got some good jeans!

So folks.... 39 pounds down and here's the jeans you see to the side of my blog in the picture titled Tattoos. I had Ben snap some photos of me today wearing them. There's a muffin top happening, but gimme a few more weeks and it will be gone. They are comfortable enough to wear for a few hours. I can't wait to keep losing weight and trying on jeans in my closet I never thought I would wear again.

Size 28! All the clothes I've bought for my new job--- size 8 and comfortable size 8 at that!

Now I'm excited to have my picture taken.... can't wait until I hit my goal. I'm going to go back to Alicia and have my own photo session!

UPDATE: So after posting this I discovered that these actually aren't the jeans--- but guess what... the ones in the tattoo pic are a size 30--- so these ones are an even bigger accomplishment!

14 pounds to go... seriously!

So... here is an update.... Today I am wearing a size 28 Jean. It is slightly uncomfortable because they are low rise jeans and I'm used to hiking my pants up to my belly button to make room for bellyzilla!

I've lost 36 pounds. Thats 3-6 pounds. That's like a one year old's weight. So put a one year old next to my body, and that's what I used to carry around with me.

I'm still unable to be active because of my knee, but I am still losing weight so it's not affecting me so much. Darcie tells me that I have hit a sweet spot in my metabolism. I think I agree given the fact that I lost 2 and a half pounds this week instead of the usual one.

I'm also making meals on my own. I plan out my whole grocery list and cross items off as I pick them up. So far I've made Skinny Monte Cristo sandwiches, Homemade breaded chicken tenders (with wheat germ crust) and Turkey Tacos. The Turkey Tacos lasted me for two days so I did four days of dinners on my own and four days where I made my own breakfast. After having been on Jenny Craig for three months, I find cooking for myself not only rewarding, but super easy. Portions are easily controlled with a scale I bought, but also by eyeing my plate. Dietary exchanges are easy with a cookbook I bought that already has the exchanges listed.

So far- so good!

I'm only 14 pounds away from getting my tattoo reward. I have the design in mind so I just need to do some research on artists.

I also spoke with Darcie this week about something else- I think I can lose more than 50 pounds. With the help of Jenny Craig for the year I paid for my membership and with the help of my own motivation, I think I can get myself down to a weight I haven't been since forever. 14 pounds seems so achievable, but then so does 25 pounds. I haven't officially changed my goal, but I certainly don't think I will go on maintenance right away when I hit 140 pounds. Maintenance you get to increase your caloric intake to 1700 calories/day. I'm looking forward to that, but I'm going to hold off on starting maintenance until I get to the point where I have nothing that fits me anymore and I need to buy myself a whole new wardrobe!

Wish me luck for the next 25 pounds :)

White Water Rafting

For all who haven't been- white water rafting is ridiculously fun!

For those who don't know- it's also an insane workout. My whole body aches today- right down to my toes.

You use your arms the most, however get your hips, back and shoulder in on the strokes. As well you are constantly moving around which gets your legs in on the action. Then you have to periodically get out of the raft and do some walking. 5 hours of rafting was like ten weeks in the gym LOL.

But again, its ridiculously fun!

I'm now down 32 pounds. During the trip, we had bought a package that included meals. Because we camped, I had no choice but to eat what they made. I still managed to stay 100% on target. For breakfast I had one slice of french toast with no syrup or butter. A quarter piece of ham for some protein and a few potatos (limited those because they are deep fried). All in all it worked out to about the same as a Jenny meal. I'm starting to recognize that regular foods can be eaten in moderation (which is the point but for a food addict its virtually impossible to get- but I'm getting there).

It's so easy to get lost in how good something tastes. Next time you have french toast, have one slice and don't put anything on it. Just taste the egg and the bread (and I believe they put cinnamin on it). It's actually delicious.

 :) I'm down to 158 pounds :)

I'm working on my whole mind

Hello all my loyal blog readers- and to anyone new to my blog.

Here is my halfway picture.

There's two reasons I hate it. The first is I still feel incredibly fat and that I don't belong in this body (despite my awesome progress)

The second thing, is I am 28 years old, and I'm self conscious about everything!

I have a club foot. It's the right one (obviously)! It's way more deformed now than it was even five years ago. I have spent all of my life being noticed for it.

When I was in elementary school kids would make fun of the brace I had to wear or the way I walked but it was never quite so bad. When I got to highschool it became incredibly obvious. In drama class I would never take off my socks for performances of greek theatre. It was usually the boys who would point out my deformity.

You would think that as an adult I would feel better about it- but it is at least once a week being brought up. I work in recruitment, so candidates will notice I walk with a limp and ask if I am okay. I'm fine, just born this way. As I got older, and fater, my foot could no longer carry my weight. I would spend hours in bed howling and crying because the pain was so intense. I also have internal Spina Bifida (which caused the club foot).

So.... For the first time in my whole life... I'm not wearing socks.

I'm ashamed at myself for asking Alicia (the photographer who took this picture) to crop it out. It was my immediate gut reaction. I just panicked at what people would say or what they would think about me. I have the most supportive boyfriend in the world who gives me foot massages when I am crying. I've never been for a pedicure in my life because I was too afraid. I've never even told a boyfriend in the past about my foot or back. Despite it being obvious to the rest of the world, I was content in hiding it. If I don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist.

If being on this lifestyle change journey means I have to work on my mind, then I need to work on my whole body- especially the parts I can never change. I can change the back fat that plagues me, I can change my tummy that sticks out... I can even change my flabby arms. But I can't change the way I was born.

I believe Lady Gaga said it best- I was Born this Way! Thank you Alicia for taking this beautiful picture of my WHOLE body so I can showcare how beautiful it is. Even if I don't feel like it, even if I hate it for the pain it brings me every day, it's the only one I have. Besides, Ben think's I'm beautiful.... and one day soon I'll believe it for myself too :)